Being An Adult

Is there a defining moment where your adulthood starts? Legally it’s 18, but surely everyone has their own timeline.

Is it when you first have a job? I was 16 when I had my first paycheque, but even then I still felt like a clueless kid.

Is it when you lose your virginity? I remember that moment. You feel like a man and no longer a boy. It’s a really arbitrary ‘milestone’ though; nothing had really changed.

Is it when you start living on your own? Maybe. I definitely grew up quite a bit when I moved out and lived by myself back in high school.

To me, adulthood is a gradual accumulation of many experiences and many moments of realisation. It’s those times when you realise your carefree life is slowly fading and you’re beginning to take charge of your life and of those around.

I had one of those moments today. It feels normal, like it’s just another day, and yet so strange as it’s the first time I’ve done this.

Going to the Hospital

Ever since I was a kid, whenever I ran into health problems, it has always been my dad who took me to the hospital. He’d do the paperwork, pay the bills, and generally look after me.

This past week though, I was the one to take my dad to the hospital. And I paid the bills.

Recently we had an acquaintance die of colon cancer. It was a very sudden and tragic death; the man was living a healthy lifestyle, and out of the blue he got struck with colon cancer and died within 2 months. It was a sobering moment, to think that anyone can have cancer and die any moment regardless of how well and healthy you have lived your life.

Anyway, I told my dad to go for a cancer check-up, just in case. He was very much for it, but he said he wouldn’t be able to afford it with his pension. So I said I’d pay. It shouldn’t be a problem because I have been paying him to work as our janitor anyway.

So the thing is, my dad has always gone to hospitals by himself. He has battled kidney stones and psoriasis his whole life. He has had many surgeries to remove kidney stones and treat infections from the psoriasis. He is no stranger to hospitals. I remember having visited him in Bạch Mai, Thanh Nhàn, Nông Nghiệp — too many hospitals for me to remember now.

This time though, he is asking me to take him to a health check-up — something he’s never done before. Because usually he only goes to the hospital when something is wrong!

I took him to Hồng Ngọc hospital and requested a cancer diagnosis test. He was also having back pain problems so we also asked for an X-ray. The total bill was 3.7 million dong, which wasn’t too bad.

Dad’s Health Status

I spent the entire morning with him in the hospital. He kept praising how good these private services are. I guess he has had his share of negative experiences with public hospitals ?

The results came back within an hour. Thankfully he had no signs of cancer. I’m just so, so glad for this. The physical pain of cancer aside, its treatment is probably not something we can afford. My dad told me of a guy who spent 15 billion dong on chemo and radiotherapy trying to fight blood cancer, only to die after 2 years. Jeez.

The X-ray also showed two kidney stones which was to be expected. What’s new though is that he had developed spondylosis in his spine. It’s not really clear what the cause is, probably just from aging.

The doctor recommended him to stop doing high impact movements like running, and instead do exercises that stretch and relieve tension on the back. So obviously things like pull-ups and hangs, or those yoga stretches should be great. He can’t run so I’ll get a stationary bicycle. Can’t neglect cardio.

Being An Adult

In a symbolic way, I feel like this marks a new milestone in my journey of adulthood. Up until 17 years old I had had my life completely provided for by my dad, and for the past 10 years I’ve mostly lived by myself and for myself. I start my own business and do my own things, pay for my own meals and accommodation, spend time on my own hobbies and social circles. I spend little time with my family and pay little attention to their lives.

Half a year ago my dad had to retire early and didn’t really have much of an income besides a measly pension, so I started to think of work to give him. I could just send him money, but it’d be better for him to have work rather than stay home all day. So he became our janitor. He’d come to our offices and clean 3 times a week.

Right then, I knew I’d be the one taking care of my dad now and not the other way around. And then, after this day, I know I’m also responsible for his health. That’s… quite a lot. It really doesn’t help that I’ve always lived in a rather selfish way. I still have family around, but mostly it’ll come down to me to take care of him.

I guess that is quite a big part of being an adult: taking care of others and putting their needs above your own. It’s a part of growing up, and something I’m still learning to become.

As a final note — I often think about this: when I was a kid, I’d look at adults and be in awe as to how confident and well-put together they appeared to be. But now that I’m an adult myself and know other adults, I don’t think any of us can ever claim that we have everything figured out. No matter how experienced, wise, or secure we think we are, there will be those moments where we feel like a lost and scared child. I’m just hoping that when that moment inevitably arrives, I’ll have the strength and wisdom to face it well.