Late Night Circle K Talks And Understanding Ourselves

Phong and I used to stay up late — really, really late. When we were living together, we’d finish work close to midnight, go out to buy some sticky rice at one of those food carts I mentioned earlier, and bring the food to Circle K. There, we’d buy two drinks and sometimes a bag of snacks or some ice creams. We’d then eat and chat about anything under the sun, from frivolous to profound topics, from gossip to wondering the purpose and meaning of life. Most of the times the conversation dragged on and we wouldn’t leave until 2 – 3 am.

This happened almost every night from around summer 2017 to autumn 2018. It became a habit; I’d feel a strange sense of comfort and relaxation as we entered the store and browsed the shelves. We came to know the address, the staff, the layout of almost all the Circle K stores around Dong Da and Hai Ba Trung. Lots of stories from this period but I’ll leave that to another post.

Then around September 2018, Phong went home more often so we stopped having those late night chats. It wasn’t until almost half a year later, on the 4th day of Tet, that we finished shooting some videos late, sat down at the Ta Quang Buu Circle K and chatted until 3.30 am.

It’s… different this time. A lot more memorable. The 1-week Tet holiday provided us respite from the hectic schedule to have kind of a downtime for personal reflection. I feel like this marks a point at which we’ve come to understand ourselves a lot more, and even after 5 years living and working side by side with Phong, I’ve only begun to better understand him.

So we talked about a lot of things, but in the end the biggest takeaway for me is that we are a lot more similar, and at the same time more different than I thought. The similarities are rather obvious: we’re both 2 young guys into fitness and personal development, we have practically identical lifestyles and habits, we work closely in the same projects in pursuit of the same goals, we have similar views about almost every subject in existence, and for a while our facebook pages consisted of the same “couple” photos. Just to name a few because I can’t list everything here obviously, but there have been quite a few times that people mistake us for being brothers (or being gay…).

Now, as a consequence, even though I’ve always thought of me and Phong as being… interchangeable, the new year chat has made me think that there actually are a lot more differences between us than I previously thought.

It appears that after allowing some time for rumination, Phong came to realise that what he truly wanted is to create communities that bring together people who share the same values and interests. That’s the gist of it — communities. He said growing up, he was influenced by his parents’ extroversion — how they would always have groups of friends over and have fun together. He recalled that he’d always been most at ease and had the most fun whenever he’s around a group of people that he can relate to. They keyword that was repeated was “spirit” — his goal is to raise spirit and encourage the pursuit of worthy goals, be it English learning, fitness habits, or a healthy company culture. Everything else, from making money to business expansion, is secondary to community building.

I understand and respect the hell out of that. It might seem idealistic in a way, but his raison d’etre represents a deeply admirable sense of selflessness. It’s definitely in contrast with my obsession with the details and the practicalities; for me, I’m more concerned if the accounting figures match, the marketing budget shows effective ROI, the bottom line grows, or the product comes out flawlessly. Phong is more interested in creating values for the communities he is a part of.

Even our teaching styles reflect this. Phong has always developed a more solid connection with his students than me; his classes are noticeably more fun and engaging. As for me, I care a lot more about the technicalities of my teaching materials. The model essays, the structure of the lessons, everything has to be of the highest standards. I try to organise games and activities, but I’m never really good at this. I can be a killjoy sometimes. And also, Phong is always more willing to stay late and help his students with their studies.

I suppose in a way, everything is starting to make better sense now. I’ve always thought of us as being complete equals, that we’d be capable of doing everything for and on behalf of each other. However, the fact, though hidden in plain sight, is that our role in the business has always diverged and become specialised. Phong admitted in all honesty that he’d probably suck at doing accounting or budgeting, which really explains why over the years I’ve taken responsibility for the business side while he primarily takes care of the relationship aspect with our stakeholders e.g. our staff, customers, students, landlords, and the likes.

Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever spent a day training our staff unless it’s someone who works directly with me. Phong has always been the one who calls students in our early days, conducts interviews and organises the teambuilding stuff. For me, I’ve always found working on developing products or overseeing the finances and marketing campaigns a lot more fun and rewarding. In a way, I’m more competitive in nature while Phong cares more about the overall quality and spirit with fewer regards for winning or losing.

Don’t get me wrong, we are insanely compatible. For me, the odds of finding someone like Phong are astronomically small — someone who shares the same vision, the constant failures and embarrassment, or who agrees on the ridiculous schedule and the lack of financial rewards — really, I don’t think I could have wished for a better co-founder. Especially considering how most companies eventually break apart due to conflicts between the founders more than from any external factors, I’ve always been aware of and appreciated the unique partnership, the brotherhood and camaraderie that we’ve developed since 2013.

In a way though, thanks to the Tet recess and the 5-month period of us not being in constant company 24/7, the time spent alone has given us the opportunity for this much-needed introspection.

In the end, during that 4-hour long talk, we discussed a ton of other topics, including the strange sense of nihilism and isolation that we gradually found. But this — the deeper understanding of our inner self and the inevitable division and specialisation of labour that follow — is what has stuck with me the most. It is time to understand what each of us is meant to be and find our place in the company that best nurtures the unique character and capabilities we each possess.

If you’re reading this brother, I sincerely wish you the very best in your own quest to meaning and fulfilment no matter how similar or divergent it might be to mine. We’ve walked this journey together for 5 years; now let’s smash 2019. We will fucking make it.